tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7772933038599972944.post6048589664387093494..comments2023-12-07T01:46:47.908-08:00Comments on OCD Reflections: Doubt and more doubt: Is this anxiety? Do I really have OCD?Fellow OCD Suffererhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16157849944445411960noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7772933038599972944.post-10341764889083599432014-09-02T06:30:32.418-07:002014-09-02T06:30:32.418-07:00Hey I can relate to this. But don't worry, you...Hey I can relate to this. But don't worry, you'll feel the anxiety eventually lol and then you'll wish you could go back as quickly as possible to just the urge.<br /><br />When I am doing good, i indulge in compulsions because they are a habit. It's like riding a bike or driving a car, you don't have to think to do it you just do it. Suddenly trying to stop yourself from a habit, it doesn't bring anxiety but it will bring this sense of tension and you want to break the tension. <br /><br />Then I finally have anxiety again and then i go bkc to saying "please God i will never take being ok for granted again, i won't do compulsions if i can feel normal."<br /><br />That was last year. What I have done, which is strange but works for me, is when I expose myself to a fear or deny myself a compulsion, I do so with love. I make room for the anxiety, i make room for the urge and i love it. It's there to protect me but it's out of whack. Without anxiety we would step into oncoming trafficand not fear death. Anxiety is helpful but when we have a disorder like this it gets overblown.<br /><br />Guilt for not having anxiety is funny from the outside looking in but i can relate. I am thankful for my OCD though because it has made me understand the very universe itself. Sounds crazy but i found spirituality and Buddhism because of my OCD, and i can transfer anxiety into excitement, denial into triumph, and hard times into life lessons. <br /><br />I can think deeply about things and I would never want that gone. I just have to be wise about what I think deeply about. I went from self centered to outside centered, realizing it was my mission in life to help others and use deep seated ability for empathy and care and concern for good. <br /><br />It's strange. It's hard to put into words but the more fear I am capable of feeling the more love I am capable of feeling. The more pain I';m capable of feeling the more relief I'm capable of feeling. At first, my OCD was like an addiction. I'd feel anxious and then the anxiety would go away and I'd become addicted ot the feeling of "beating it." My biggest highs would come after my lowest lows. Now I don't chase those highs or lows but if lows happen I know highs will come soon. Though being comfortable is just fine too. <br /><br />I don't want to say i'm in remission because my theraplist said that's like false hope, but I welcome OCD in my life and listen to my body and made peace with it. IF people can live happy with handicaps I can live happy wiht the occasional weird thought. <br /><br />Try to channel that obsessive personality into the happy chemicals. Seretonin, we get a serotin kick when are good at something, when we are respected, when we have enough food to eat and a roof over our head and are greatfull. Endorphins. We get endorphin kicks when we challenge ourselves and push past pain into euphoria. Such as in excercise or a tough challenge that we know deep down we can accomplish. Dopamine, the checmical we get when we create goals (even small ones) stick to them, and make achievements. And most importantly. Oxytocin, the feeling we get from bonding, being with freinds, family, lovers, when we have orgasms (you don't need others to have those lol) These checmicals are like guides telling us what it means to be human. Telling us what we need to achieve in life. Our fears worries and troubles tell us what we are doing wrong, that we are on the wrong path, that we are hurting ourselves so STOP! <br /><br />I hope I'm making some sort of sense to you. Keep at it. Research your happy chemicals and then do what needs to be done to get those rewards, they will push you outside yourself, outside your body, outside your head and into the realms of flow and love and contentment. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7772933038599972944.post-7443761924414006692014-04-03T02:54:12.489-07:002014-04-03T02:54:12.489-07:00The funny thing about OCD is that this thoughts ar...The funny thing about OCD is that this thoughts are actually part of it. Wanting to make sure you have an illness IS actually this illness. What you should realize is that it doesn't really matter whether you have OCD or not. You should only realise that you are struggling and you want it to change. Next step: how? Meditation, regular excersise, social contacts. The last one being the most important one of them all. Social contacts will make everything brighter and better. Doesn't matter what you are talking about. As long as you try to keep your attention at the conversation and the people around you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7772933038599972944.post-39829931341454111462010-11-18T12:45:20.663-08:002010-11-18T12:45:20.663-08:00Hi Fellow OCD Sufferer,
Your reply was very helpf...Hi Fellow OCD Sufferer,<br /><br />Your reply was very helpful, as was the link you provided. I have wondered who I'd be if I didn't have all these "foibles".<br /><br />I did go to the doctor in August and finally saw a therapist for assessment yesterday (the NHS is great, but it's slow). You win your bet! She said I do have OCD, and now I'm waiting to see a therapist for CBT. It should start in January.<br /><br />It's good to know someone who knows about OCD thinks I have it. But you know what? There's still a niggling doubt in the back of my mind!<br /><br />Thanks for your email address. I might just use it! I have started a new blog at caityworld.com, if you're interested, where I'm (belatedly) telling my story.pandammoniumhttp://pandammonium.org/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7772933038599972944.post-9927279973254030672010-07-29T13:35:12.127-07:002010-07-29T13:35:12.127-07:00pandammonium - Did you read my mind?! I know I w...pandammonium - Did you read my mind?! I know I wrote about the feelings you express here in my blog entry, but reading what you wrote captures many of the fears that I have expressed to my therapist (an OCD specialist)almost better than I can capture them for myself!<br /><br />Even if you didn't any other symptoms, the doubt you express here and the fear that you don't have OCD is probably a symptom of the disorder in and of itself. I, too, felt and sometimes still feel, that I'd be wasting a therapist's time to seek treatment. <br /><br />I'm certainly not an expert (I just have a lot of experience with these kinds of thoughts), but I I were you, I think I would give myself the benefit of the doubt and go ahead and speak to your doctor about your OCD symptoms, in addition to your fear that you don't have OCD in the first place!<br /><br />However, if you do seek help, I would suggest contacting a therapist or psychiatrist who has definite experience in treating OCD, because there are a lot of doctors and therapists out there who are probably less familiar with the signs and symptoms of OCD than you are and who don't necessarily know how to treat it. If you are already doubting your own condition, and you do have OCD, the doubt of a professional inexperienced in working with OCD might not help the problem and maybe even exacerbate it. But this is only my opinion which is influenced by my own poor experiences with mental health professionals who knew little about OCD or how to recognize the symptoms.<br /><br />Also, don't feel bad about this idea that maybe you even "want to have OCD." This is a thought that I have often had to contend with, and as a sufferer, if I can even say that I really am one ;), I do not think that it's terrible at all. Rather, I am relieved to hear that others have such thoughts! Like you say, for me, believing that I have OCD is almost desirable because being able to identify the cause of so many things in my life, to be able to explain them through the diagnosis of OCD, would be a relief. It would mean that there is a way I can work on certain problems I have and solve them.<br /><br />Let me put in this way as my therapist has put it to me: even if you don't have OCD, don't you think someone who thinks they have OCD or wants to believe they have OCD probably needs and deserves help just as much as someone who does have the disorder?<br /><br />What's the worst that can happen? You probably have OCD. If not, well, then you can find ways to deal with the problems that are bothering you, whether or not they are "really OCD," through the help of a doctor or therapist, as well. Either way, if something in your life doesn't seem to be working, even if you don't "think" that it causes you anxiety, you probably owe it to yourself to get it checked out! <br /><br />But I'm willing to bet that you do have OCD :). You sound too much like me not to... <br /><br />You might also find this article interesting:<br /><br />http://www.ocdla.com/blog/ocd-stockholm-syndrome-784<br /><br />Feel free to email me, if you ever want to talk about this more - ocdreflections@gmail.com. The doubt about whether you even have OCD is a really hard one to deal with, and I am always relieved (as unfortunate as it is) to hear that others carry the same doubt with them.Fellow OCD Suffererhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16157849944445411960noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7772933038599972944.post-62459535728540192072010-07-29T01:47:10.781-07:002010-07-29T01:47:10.781-07:00Hi, I found your blog via The OCD Chronicles.
I a...Hi, I found your blog via The OCD Chronicles.<br /><br />I am currently in the middle of a debate with myself about whether I have OCD or not. I do have several symptoms, but I don't have the terrible anxieties that "real" sufferers have. I am on the verge of calling the doctor, but because of the lack of anxiety, amongst other things, I feel like a fraud, like you do. I feel I'd be wasting the doctor's time, like someone else with a real illness should have my appointment slot. I think that the lack of anxiety, plus the other things, would stop the doctor from believing me.<br /><br />It's as if I want to have OCD. That probably sounds terrible to a real sufferer - why would anyone want to have it? But it's because it would explain an awful lot, and I'd be able to get help to become more normal. And if it isn't OCD, then what is it? Am I just weird?<br /><br />I'm in a vicious circle: the more I think I have it, the more I think I don't. I'm obsessing over it, and it's ticking me off.pandammoniumhttp://pandammonium.org/noreply@blogger.com