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Showing posts from August, 2011

It's Not Defeat but Sometimes It Sure Feels Like It

I haven't written a particularly introspective or well thought-out post in a while.  And I'm afraid this one isn't going to be any different.  Maybe it's the whole almost working full time thing.  Maybe it's the half-way normal life I'm living and trying to balance with my OCD.  I know there are OCD impediments that I just don't even really notice anymore. For instance, tonight I realized I don't have anything to wear to work tomorrow.  I can't fathom doing laundry now or even determining whether I am "clean enough" to do laundry.  I can't (aka won't) pick a skirt (that I just wore once before condemning) out the dirty laundry - too contaminated.  So what am I going to do?  Take the least offensive route - find a dress that I haven't unpacked in over a year and wear that, even though I'm not sure if it was "clean" before I packed it or if it's "okay" to wear since it's been in a box for so long,...

Issues

I feel as though I'm having motivational issues right now.  I'm avoiding showering.  I'm avoiding doing dishes.  I dread doing both, and it feels like what's the point?  Why bother?  I'm preparing to sleep on the floor even though I know I shouldn't.  I know it's compulsive.  I recognize that.  I recognize that I am making an unwise decision from a therapeutic standpoint, and yet, ugh.  How to make myself do what needs to be done?  I'm still figuring that one out.  Still figuring it out...