OCD Reflections

It's hard for me to put into reasonable perspective what has happened in my life over the last year. It doesn't seem shocking or abnormal or strange anymore...I mean, I have lived day to day with the changes that have occurred over the last several months. It's like watching something grow...if you are watching it all the time it is hard to notice the changes, but if you only see the growth at extended intervals, the change can be quite shocking. In reading one blog in particular, I have come to realize that this disorder, and particular the effect that it has had on my life, is serious, and not something that I necessarily just have to push away and ignore. Not that I want to do that, in fact, I'm terribly afraid of doing just that. But it is very easy for me to shove away the changes in my life as insignificant or nothing compared to what others go through - to think that my struggles are nothing. That my disorder and the effect it has had on my life aren't th...

Ugh, ugh, ugh. I have things to do today and have already spent a significant amount of time on my computer this morning, so I will try to make this quick. I probably shouldn't even be writing this...I should probably just be sitting with the bothersome feeling of anger and the need to express my opinion about it...since that seems to be my weakness...just sitting with and accepting discomfort. But here I go...but I am giving myself a time limit! Perhaps it is because I feel that I would have been in the same position, or perhaps it is because I often question whether I am actually trying hard enough in treatment, but the attitude taken towards Kristen's behavior on this episode was extremely frustrating for me. I disagreed with so much that was said and so much that was suggested about her. I have talked to my therapist about this notion that sometimes what someone with OCD needs is a good dose of "tough love." Sometimes I feel like if someone would just yell ...

Normally I like watching the OCD project, not because I like to watch people suffer, but because it is comforting to see people doing such hard exposures and succeeding. It is also nice to see others that I can relate to, people who struggle with things I have struggled with or still do. Today I realized that watching this show is starting to cause me some amount of anxiety. I look at the participants' reactions and think, maybe I don't know what that is like anymore. What if I can no longer sympathize? What if I never really had OCD? I am doing so much better, even in just the last couple days. The ease with which I have transitioned and started to change my ways frightens me. I feel like there should be a giant wave of anxiety that I have to overcome. This seems too easy. What if I forget how it felt to have that much fear of irrational things? What if I never really had it as bad as they did and was just acting like I had really bad OCD, when actually, I could have ...