As the holiday season arrives, I sometimes think about how OCD affected this time of year for me in ways I never knew. When I was struggling with scrupulosity, there was of course compulsive prayer surrounding the religious holiday of Christmas. That was the most obvious form my compulsions took. I felt compelled not only to pray, but to pray "right." If I had bad thoughts while I was praying or if forgot important parts (or if I simply suspected that I might have forgotten important parts), I had to start over. So, secretly in hidden in my bedroom with the door closed, I prayed, hoping no one interrupted. Because, if they did, I would then have to stop, pretend like I had been doing something else, only to start over yet again as soon as they were gone. Sometimes if I couldn't seem to get the prayer "right" I would begin reciting the words aloud, hoping to make them stick, hoping to make them somehow seem more final and sure so that I wouldn't ha...
looking at life with newfound knowledge of obsessive-compulsive disorder