Thursday, October 20, 2011

Tired in a Good Way

I'm tired and a little down this evening as I relax after a full day of intensive treatment and then work.  I want to go to bed but I also want to get my exposure work done.  I'm dreading doing the dishes in a way that I haven't normally lately - it probably has something to do with the fact that I have been putting them off several days and have started doing some new exposures that make me feel a bit dirty to be doing them.  Other than that I need to shower - 10 minutes is the current goal.  I took a 12 minute shower the other day and a 13 minute shower this morning.  Those are the obstacles (or opportunities, I suppose) that await me before going to bed.  Last night I put off showering for so long that I ended up not sleeping in my bed and not taking my meds (which make me sleep much better than I would otherwise).  And the night before that I only got about 5 hours of sleep, so I'm a bit run-down and tired.  Mostly I just feel like there's an overwhelming amount of things to do, and I'm running a little low on motivation to get them done.  I like that I am staying busy.  I have treatment everyday in the morning, work everyday in the afternoon, and work on top of it all on the weekends.  There's not really a day off but sometimes that's good - free time leads to compulsive avoidance and compulsivity in general, but then again, taking care of myself and getting enough rest also reduces the amount of compulsions I perform.

I guess what I'm trying to say is:  I'm tired, but in a good way.  I dread the exposures ahead of me for the evening, but that's better than dreading compulsions - at least the exposures provide some benefit.  So I'll take a break for a little while longer and then it's back to work battling my OCD for the evening.  OCD doesn't rest so neither can I.

5 comments:

  1. I completely know what you mean about OCD not resting - that just pisses me off. On the days when you really need a break - it's just relentless. Good for you - you sound great.

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  2. You are an inspiration for all those going through, or considering, treatment for their OCD. "OCD doesn't rest so neither can I" really gets the message across.....I may quote you at some point if you don't mind!

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  3. You are doing such good work! I'm proud of you!

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  4. Thanks for sharing this - I so get "OCD doesn't rest so neither can I" - it's bloody frustrating. Keep up the good work!

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  5. I agree with you Mary B, it can be so frustrating when OCD doesn't rest. It just means that we have to fight harder. One way I have fought against my OCD has been the website http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-ocd. It has tips that have been really helpful for treating my OCD.

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