Skip to main content

Couch Surfing...

And somehow I find myself here again...needing to sleep but unwilling to shower and also unwilling to sleep in my bed because I'm not "clean enough."  Of course, "clean enough" doesn't really mean anything.  It's useless OCD fluff, but it somehow still has a strong hold over me, even though I can recognize it for what it is.

So I'll be sleeping on the couch.  My roommate is out of town so it's easier to avoid doing those things I find so onerous - i.e. showering.  I don't normally feel comfortable sleeping out in our living room when she's here, so eventually the desire to have somewhere besides my bedroom floor to sleep drives me to the shower.  But with my roommate gone, I am far too comfortable sleeping on the couch, and the procrastination of the showering goes on and on and on.

So...the couch it is...


Comments

  1. Hmmmm....not sure what to make of this post. Are you struggling? ie: do you need support? Are these compulsions that you once had a handle on? Glad to see that you're posting!!! I will email you in the next few days!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Last week was definitely a struggle! I don't know if I can say that I really had a "handle" on this compulsion...mostly of the time I'm just better at keeping up with other compulsions to avoid this situation - I feel like a lot of my OCD gets disguised this way. It's when I get tired or in a funk and I can't keep up with compulsions and end up sleeping on the couch. I think this sometimes makes me (and maybe even my therapist because I don't report it as a problem when I can keep up) a bit unaware of some of the things that are still going on.

    I've been working on the whole "being clean enough to be in my bed" thing, though, which should help. I'm supposed to be spending 15 minutes a day laying in my bed, in the clothes that I wore that day, no matter where those clothes have been or what I have done. I guess it's a step toward sleeping in my bed no matter what the circumstances.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was just searching for road trip adventure blogs and came upon yours. I'm driving cross country in August and will be couchsurfing for the first time. I hope you'll check out my blog about the adventure at http://www.levonnegaddy.com/2011/07/were-going-home.html

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Spreading the Word: OCD on the Air

I'm an avid listener of NPR and always enjoy their various shows and podcasts, and I was recently delighted when I stumbled upon not one, but two, radio segments dedicated to OCD - both what it is and how it is treated.  I have heard so many stories like my own, but I am still drawn to new accounts of others who have suffered.  Likewise, I appreciate it when professional reporters and story-tellers so aptly paint the picture of what it's like to experience OCD for the general public.  Because, while I live in a world where others know what OCD is, where others believe that most thoughts are just thoughts and have no hidden meaning about who or what we are, so many out there, including some therapists, still respond to OCD-type thoughts as meaningful in their own right and as potentially dangerous or harmful.  That mindset can be so heart-breakingly bewildering and detrimental to someone suffering from OCD.  I know it was for me.  The more awareness ca...

Phone Jitters

Though I probably don't have enough of it to warrant a label, I think I do have some social anxiety.  It's gotten a lot better over the years - when I was a kid it was really so much worse.  Back then, I was often labeled "shy" or "quiet" and hated it because every time someone used one of those adjectives to describe me, it just seemed that much harder to overcome my difficulty of speaking up.  Those jolts of anxiety I got from voicing my opinion were intensified when I discovered that, despite my desire to be talkative and efforts to be outgoing, I was still perceived as being "quiet."   I had a hard time as it was being more vocal when not at ease, but when someone commented on how I was "shy," the self-consciousness would flare up even more, creating an even bigger hurdle to overcome when I wanted to express myself. Like I said, it's a lot better now.  I think through accidental exposure and repeated confrontation of social situ...

"Post"-OCD Life

The title of this post, I am well aware, is very much a misnomer.  OCD is still a living, breathing part of my daily existence, and always will be, to a certain degree.  However, I'm starting to feel as though I've entered a new stage in my recovery, one where I have to figure out that troubling and very confusing question:  what now? For a solid three years my goal was to tackle my OCD.  Year one started with my life falling apart shortly after I graduated from college.  School had always been my life and provided a certain amount of structure and sense of purpose.  As I started my first year of work post-college the following fall, everything seemed to fall apart as one compulsion lead to another until I was having a hard time making it through just a single day at work.  This was followed by the search for help.  I was lucky in that I relatively quickly stumbled upon the name for my disorder and found an excellent treatment provider, one w...