And somehow I find myself here again...needing to sleep but unwilling to shower and also unwilling to sleep in my bed because I'm not "clean enough." Of course, "clean enough" doesn't really mean anything. It's useless OCD fluff, but it somehow still has a strong hold over me, even though I can recognize it for what it is.
So I'll be sleeping on the couch. My roommate is out of town so it's easier to avoid doing those things I find so onerous - i.e. showering. I don't normally feel comfortable sleeping out in our living room when she's here, so eventually the desire to have somewhere besides my bedroom floor to sleep drives me to the shower. But with my roommate gone, I am far too comfortable sleeping on the couch, and the procrastination of the showering goes on and on and on.
So...the couch it is...
Hmmmm....not sure what to make of this post. Are you struggling? ie: do you need support? Are these compulsions that you once had a handle on? Glad to see that you're posting!!! I will email you in the next few days!!!
ReplyDeleteLast week was definitely a struggle! I don't know if I can say that I really had a "handle" on this compulsion...mostly of the time I'm just better at keeping up with other compulsions to avoid this situation - I feel like a lot of my OCD gets disguised this way. It's when I get tired or in a funk and I can't keep up with compulsions and end up sleeping on the couch. I think this sometimes makes me (and maybe even my therapist because I don't report it as a problem when I can keep up) a bit unaware of some of the things that are still going on.
ReplyDeleteI've been working on the whole "being clean enough to be in my bed" thing, though, which should help. I'm supposed to be spending 15 minutes a day laying in my bed, in the clothes that I wore that day, no matter where those clothes have been or what I have done. I guess it's a step toward sleeping in my bed no matter what the circumstances.
I was just searching for road trip adventure blogs and came upon yours. I'm driving cross country in August and will be couchsurfing for the first time. I hope you'll check out my blog about the adventure at http://www.levonnegaddy.com/2011/07/were-going-home.html
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