Skip to main content

Couch Surfing...

And somehow I find myself here again...needing to sleep but unwilling to shower and also unwilling to sleep in my bed because I'm not "clean enough."  Of course, "clean enough" doesn't really mean anything.  It's useless OCD fluff, but it somehow still has a strong hold over me, even though I can recognize it for what it is.

So I'll be sleeping on the couch.  My roommate is out of town so it's easier to avoid doing those things I find so onerous - i.e. showering.  I don't normally feel comfortable sleeping out in our living room when she's here, so eventually the desire to have somewhere besides my bedroom floor to sleep drives me to the shower.  But with my roommate gone, I am far too comfortable sleeping on the couch, and the procrastination of the showering goes on and on and on.

So...the couch it is...


Labels:

Comments

  1. Pure O CanuckJuly 16, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    Hmmmm....not sure what to make of this post. Are you struggling? ie: do you need support? Are these compulsions that you once had a handle on? Glad to see that you're posting!!! I will email you in the next few days!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fellow OCD SuffererJuly 17, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    Last week was definitely a struggle! I don't know if I can say that I really had a "handle" on this compulsion...mostly of the time I'm just better at keeping up with other compulsions to avoid this situation - I feel like a lot of my OCD gets disguised this way. It's when I get tired or in a funk and I can't keep up with compulsions and end up sleeping on the couch. I think this sometimes makes me (and maybe even my therapist because I don't report it as a problem when I can keep up) a bit unaware of some of the things that are still going on.

    I've been working on the whole "being clean enough to be in my bed" thing, though, which should help. I'm supposed to be spending 15 minutes a day laying in my bed, in the clothes that I wore that day, no matter where those clothes have been or what I have done. I guess it's a step toward sleeping in my bed no matter what the circumstances.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Prettypics123July 18, 2011 at 11:41 AM

    I was just searching for road trip adventure blogs and came upon yours. I'm driving cross country in August and will be couchsurfing for the first time. I hope you'll check out my blog about the adventure at http://www.levonnegaddy.com/2011/07/were-going-home.html

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Post"-OCD Life

The title of this post, I am well aware, is very much a misnomer.  OCD is still a living, breathing part of my daily existence, and always will be, to a certain degree.  However, I'm starting to feel as though I've entered a new stage in my recovery, one where I have to figure out that troubling and very confusing question:  what now? For a solid three years my goal was to tackle my OCD.  Year one started with my life falling apart shortly after I graduated from college.  School had always been my life and provided a certain amount of structure and sense of purpose.  As I started my first year of work post-college the following fall, everything seemed to fall apart as one compulsion lead to another until I was having a hard time making it through just a single day at work.  This was followed by the search for help.  I was lucky in that I relatively quickly stumbled upon the name for my disorder and found an excellent treatment provider, one w...
6 comments
Read more

Frustration with "Normal" People

Bad advice is everywhere when it comes to dealing with OCD.  Today I ran across one of those yahoo question/answer deals where someone described taking extra long showers with a great big helping of compulsive avoidance.  This person asked:  how can I make my showers more pleasant?  What can I do?  I never answer those sort of things, but as I read the answers that had been provided so far, I quickly changed my mind. The answers angered me.  And it's not the fault of those answering - they just don't know better.  Answers like "try listening to music to relax yourself," "dance in the shower," or "maybe take a bath instead so even if you don't want to touch certain parts of your body to wash them, they are at least getting a little bit clean."  These are the kind of answers that I got from the first therapist I saw when this all began.  Answers like, "Why don't you try to do some deep breathing exercises to reduce your stress?" o...
8 comments
Read more

Tired in a Good Way

I'm tired and a little down this evening as I relax after a full day of intensive treatment and then work.  I want to go to bed but I also want to get my exposure work done.  I'm dreading doing the dishes in a way that I haven't normally lately - it probably has something to do with the fact that I have been putting them off several days and have started doing some new exposures that make me feel a bit dirty to be doing them.  Other than that I need to shower - 10 minutes is the current goal.  I took a 12 minute shower the other day and a 13 minute shower this morning.  Those are the obstacles (or opportunities, I suppose) that await me before going to bed.  Last night I put off showering for so long that I ended up not sleeping in my bed and not taking my meds (which make me sleep much better than I would otherwise).  And the night before that I only got about 5 hours of sleep, so I'm a bit run-down and tired.  Mostly I just feel like there's an ...
5 comments
Read more