Skip to main content

Couch Surfing...

And somehow I find myself here again...needing to sleep but unwilling to shower and also unwilling to sleep in my bed because I'm not "clean enough."  Of course, "clean enough" doesn't really mean anything.  It's useless OCD fluff, but it somehow still has a strong hold over me, even though I can recognize it for what it is.

So I'll be sleeping on the couch.  My roommate is out of town so it's easier to avoid doing those things I find so onerous - i.e. showering.  I don't normally feel comfortable sleeping out in our living room when she's here, so eventually the desire to have somewhere besides my bedroom floor to sleep drives me to the shower.  But with my roommate gone, I am far too comfortable sleeping on the couch, and the procrastination of the showering goes on and on and on.

So...the couch it is...


Comments

  1. Hmmmm....not sure what to make of this post. Are you struggling? ie: do you need support? Are these compulsions that you once had a handle on? Glad to see that you're posting!!! I will email you in the next few days!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Last week was definitely a struggle! I don't know if I can say that I really had a "handle" on this compulsion...mostly of the time I'm just better at keeping up with other compulsions to avoid this situation - I feel like a lot of my OCD gets disguised this way. It's when I get tired or in a funk and I can't keep up with compulsions and end up sleeping on the couch. I think this sometimes makes me (and maybe even my therapist because I don't report it as a problem when I can keep up) a bit unaware of some of the things that are still going on.

    I've been working on the whole "being clean enough to be in my bed" thing, though, which should help. I'm supposed to be spending 15 minutes a day laying in my bed, in the clothes that I wore that day, no matter where those clothes have been or what I have done. I guess it's a step toward sleeping in my bed no matter what the circumstances.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was just searching for road trip adventure blogs and came upon yours. I'm driving cross country in August and will be couchsurfing for the first time. I hope you'll check out my blog about the adventure at http://www.levonnegaddy.com/2011/07/were-going-home.html

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

New Variations on an Old Theme

It's been a long while since I have posted here. Years, in fact. This is typically where I turn when I am thinking a lot about my OCD and want an outlet for expressing my thoughts on my experience with the disorder. The current demands on my time make it a bit tricky to find much space for myself, much less to write about OCD, so even when I have found myself yearning to write, like now, I often turn to other tasks that seem more pressing. However, circumstances have brought OCD back into my life in a very real way, and I thought that posting some of my thoughts and experiences here, when I do make the time, might be helpful. I have a fascination with this disorder, both as someone who has suffered with it since childhood and as someone interested in it from an academic perspective. So, when increased stress and a lot of major life changes brought OCD back into my life in full force, I experienced that process with both horror and fascination. I have been amazed at how OCD can hi

Interesting OCD (and Related) News

So, I've been meaning to do this for a while, but never managed to actually put it together.  Just like I enjoy reading others' blogs and learning about their experiences with OCD, I am also somewhat addicted to learning as much as I can about the disorder in general - I love reading about some of the latest news and findings on OCD, and have also read several books on the disorder and related topics. In college, I studied neuroscience, and though in the short time since I graduated I have forgotten much of what I learned, I am still fascinated by the brain and its functioning - both on the biological level, as well as on the more behavioral side of things.  Add OCD to the mix, and I get abnormally excited when reading about some of the latest research and clinical studies on the disorder.  Of course, I like reading about OCD because it has a strong element of personal significance, but when I find that things I learned in school help me understand what we do know about the b

"Post"-OCD Life

The title of this post, I am well aware, is very much a misnomer.  OCD is still a living, breathing part of my daily existence, and always will be, to a certain degree.  However, I'm starting to feel as though I've entered a new stage in my recovery, one where I have to figure out that troubling and very confusing question:  what now? For a solid three years my goal was to tackle my OCD.  Year one started with my life falling apart shortly after I graduated from college.  School had always been my life and provided a certain amount of structure and sense of purpose.  As I started my first year of work post-college the following fall, everything seemed to fall apart as one compulsion lead to another until I was having a hard time making it through just a single day at work.  This was followed by the search for help.  I was lucky in that I relatively quickly stumbled upon the name for my disorder and found an excellent treatment provider, one who was ready to help me fight b